B) I made a commitment not to offer beings to anyone (as in mandala offerings of buddhism)... to not put a price on people, and prayed to Aarne Nass, the Norwegian philosopher, and then felt myself one with the life force, completely wrapped in prana and had a vision of a temple levitating above an ocean of milk with incredible trees growing. It felt like an unlimited amount of chi and it was a sign that I was on the right track.
C) I held wise man posture (or wise woman, I forget which heel) for an hour facing one direction, the bookshelf in my room counting breaths and I tried to visualize 1,000 armed Avaloketesvara and felt incredible bliss in my heart at an hour.
D) I felt like I had ushnisha when in California, I felt this blissful connection with my teachers on top of my head at my crown.
E) I was holding crab posture in the hospital, after I asked shiva to play with me, and then I meditated on the words lightning and dream, and felt like the source of lightning was within me and tried with that understanding to regard everything as lightning. It was incredible.
F) I held cobbler/my feet together while watching Jesus in India for the whole movie almost, after maybe two hours I felt this pleasurable bliss in my heart.
G) I did sun salutations for Jamyangla in Bloomington and then held shankh mudra for an hour and felt the perfect and compassionate White Tara and Amitabha present in spirit and then I did my confession and felt incredible blessings from them. It was like they were dissolving oceans of nectar and bliss into me.
H) I held full lotus and padma mudra as long as I was able and felt pink nectary energy in my mooladhara, very good.
I) I sat and meditated next to Jamyang la a couple years ago, I had a perfect visualization of the tree of visualization, made of jewels and saw lama lozang tubwang dorje chang, I felt him ask me what are your wishes, and I thought to him end samsara.
J) I held crab posture for an hour and felt this intensely blissful surge of energy at the base of my spine. I can't describe it.
K) I sat for meditation next to John Madison, and felt my whole being wrapped in red blissful energy, when the meditation ended I saw a stingray... I may end up back in the ocean as some sort of sea creature.
I dedicate all of these experiences to the ultimate happiness and enlightenment of all conscious beings. May they inspire you to keep practicing.
I believe I will one day attain enlightenment. Jamyang used to tell me, when you're enlightened you'll understand when I asked him questions. If anyone I know is enlightened it is him or his teachers I'd say. Sometimes I think they aren't giving me enough attention, but remember nobody else is giving me more.
I feel incredible worry and guilt related to my eating so much meat and seafood in my life! I'm worried I will have to take countless rebirths as animals/enslaved animals to be eaten to make up for this one life.
