More fears... to be reborn as food, and to be indebted forever

   I have so many fears.  One thing I worry a lot about is all the food I ate growing up.  In Eastern philosophy it is possible for humans to be reborn as animals and for animals to be reborn as people.  I worry that I am going to have to pay back all the animals that I ate.  I've eaten thousands of shrimp, thousands of crawfish, so many fish, so many chickens, so many parts of cows, so many parts of pigs.  What if in future lives I am forced to pay that all back?  What if I have to take thousands of lives as shrimp, thousands of lives as crawfish, many lives as fish, many lives as pigs, many lives as cows, and many lives as chickens?  In order to be eaten thousands of times as shrimp, I would have to live thousands extra lives as shrimp that are not eaten.  I really think this is possible, and my hope right now is that since I have stopped eating animals, perhaps that resolution will free me from my past karma.

   Another thing that I fear is being enslaved through debt.  Right now, it doesn't appear as if I have any debt.  But if the debt of the US government is more than ten trillion, and I am forced to pay back my share of that it could be as much as 12 trillion/ 300 million people= 40,000 dollars.  Now, what if there is an interest rate on that... so it grows by 7% a year... so that would be around $3,000 a year interest.  Now, the average wage in the world is less than $3,000 a year, so potentially, I could have an escalating debt that I will never be able to pay back.  It could grow infinitely large and I could be indebted forever.  I could be forced to lose ownership of my soul and be enslaved forever.  These are the thoughts I keep having.  And the same thing could happen to anyone.

We Must Disarm Nuclear Weapons

  I feel motivated to write about my fears.  My fears run very deep and are about very huge things.  One thing I worry about is nuclear war.  People don't talk about it much.  I don't hear other people talk about their worries related to it.  But I cannot concentrate on common things such as making money because I only want to do work that will disarm nuclear weapons or help in some way.  There is great reason to fear nuclear war.  There has been a lot of warfare since civilization began.  In most wars, both sides use every weapon available to them.  I will be worried as long as there are nuclear weapons, even if we develop a one world state in which all armies are disarmed except for an international government.  I worry about nuclear weapons even in this scenario because governments have killed millions of their own people in history.  There is no practical or good use for a nuclear bomb.  All it can do is destroy and kill and cause deadly radiation.  I believe we are souls that reincarnate.  Imagine if all the major cities are obliterated.  If civilization collapses, where will our souls go when humans don't exist or perhaps only live in remote places?  We are destroying the natural habitat of the earth that supports animal life, so perhaps our souls would not reincarnate at all.  Are our souls when not in a body able to travel through the cosmos to find a new home?  Would we be stuck on Earth as ghosts, unable to find bodies?  Everything could be wiped out in a second.  All it would take is a political leader to lose his cool.  Is it reasonable to believe that our political leaders are beyond human, beyond emotion?  Is it reasonable to believe that they will never lose their cool?  Is it reasonable to believe that our political leaders cherish everyone so much that they would never harm us?  I find these views to be unreasonable.  So I am afraid.  I am afraid that this planet will turn into a cemetery.  I'm afraid we could all end up stuck as ghosts on a planet without life. 
  What do we need to do to disarm nuclear weapons?  One thought is that we need to develop a spiritual technology that is capable of preventing nuclear weapons from working.  Something that provides hope for me in this is Chapter 25 of the lotus sutra.  That sutra says if you are being attacked with weapons and cry the name of Regarder of the Cries of the World Bodhisattva the weapons will break.  Perhaps Kuan Yin, Chenrezig, Avaloketesvara, Regarder of the Cries of the World has the answer of how to stop nuclear war.  I remember writing an email to the Dalai Lama once and asking him what he could do to disarm nuclear weapons.  The next day I saw on TV, CNN or MSNBC that UFOs often disable nuclear weapons.  They will fly and disable the nuclear systems of the United States.  The person on TV wrote a book about it and said it has been happening for years. 
   I don't think we can rely forever on miracles to save us from nulcear apocalypse. We need to disarm the armies of the world and in order to do that we need to have peace between all nations.  In order to do that people need to learn multiple languages, learn multiple religions, and learn multiple cultures.  I am not good at learning multiple languages.  I am impressed by those who really do know many languages.  I am very concerned about this issue.  I do not claim to be an expert.  I would like to hear discussion of what people think needs to happen to insure that we don't have a nuclear war, not just this decade, not just this century, but throughout the possible hundreds and thousands of centuries that humans are capable of surviving.

I dedicate this post to world peace.

Collecting more stories of people's spiritual experiences

I was sitting in front of Border's again today collecting stories of people's spiritual experiences in exchange for drawings.  Here are the ones I collected today.

Anonymous- Takes niacin and stretches.  Niacin makes one aware of muscle groups.  Closest thing to a spiritual experience. Then I smoke pot and it makes me more aware of my mind.  It's an alternative to compulsive masturbation.

John W- One day two years ago, a fall day just like today.  I was at a park along the Huron River, looking across the river.  That park and trail was the last place my son and I walked before his death.  He died the evening after the walk on that trail.  As I was looking across the river admiring the fall colors in the river of the water... Trees were reflected in the water.  I asked God, I said will I see or feel more experiences of his presence or God's presence.  And maybe five seconds later I finally saw a long stem rose floating in the water, floating towards me.  Of course I was shocked and immediately felt this was an answer to my question.  The Rose was ten feet off the embankment so I couldn't reach it, but with a stick, I was eventually able to get the rose with a stick.  Of course I was shocked and immediately thought this was an answer to my question.  I will continue to be aware of God's presence and Joe's presence.  I still have the rose two years later.

Mishka- I'm a Muslim.  Whenever we have dreams, we believe there is a spiritual significance to them.  Me and my sisters, anytime someone in our family passes away we have a dream our teeth shatter a few days or a week before.  My eldest sister had the dream before my dad died.  My 2nd older sister had that dream before my grandmother died.  I had the dream before my aunt died.  Last year or six months ago, had a dream a ball of light was coming towards me.  So I was scared of the ball of light, so I chanted verses of the Qu'ran to it so that it would protect me.  The ball of light entered my body.  I was consumed by it.  I woke up and asked family and friends about it and looked at texts.  They say if you dream of a ball of light and it enters you, it means God wants to be closer to you.

Rainey- When I stayed at the anointing healing service... that was spiritual.  At communion I get so happy.

stories of spiritual experiences

I decided today to sit out in front of Borders and trade drawings for stories of spiritual experiences.  I heard three stories today. Here they are...

Bridget- I grew up religious.  I decided I didn't agree with what my religion said.  I tried praying.  It didn't work out.  I concluded God exists, but he doesn't love everyone.  He doesn't love me.  It was a dark time when I thought God didn't love me.  Empintess in my heart.  I became physically sick.  I broke down, most vulnerable.  Jesus walked into the room and put his arms around me.  I felt the hole in my heart fill up.

Brae- I was smoking DMT.  The bowl was just out of my reach.  My arm detached from my body, grabbed the bowl, returned it to me, and I smoked the bowl again.

Ian- It was probably one of the most profound spiritual experiences I have ever had.  It really really just showed how I've gotten my life... in a way I've never experienced before.  Like, I fell in love with this girl.  We had been dating for four months already, the first girlfriend I had ever had.  We were both Christians and really living lives for Christ.  Focused on Jesus.  It was really awesome.  It was going well.  And she shared with me three or four months into our relationship a lot of things were really hard to hear.  It was almost like everything, the way I had grown up, like the mistakes I had made growing up almost made what she had to say to me worse for me.  As far as her past with boyfriends and stuff she had had before.  God had... I gave it to her no doubt, she is a new creation in Christ.  I couldn't see that.  I was really torn up about what had happened and like why it happened and why it caused me so much pain.  And so much that I had to leave college, I was a freshman in college.  I had to go home, because I couldn't do anything.  I went out to this creek by my house, probably three hours out there that day, crying out to God.  I couldn't understand why.  It was really really painful.  I had been through a lot of painful things, and that is by far the worst I had ever felt.  That day, over the course of those three hours, God changed my heart completely.  And it was weird, I know it was such a miraculous supernatural experience because it was nothing that I could have done on my own.  Because I tried (or maybe he said cried).  And I couldn't.  And it changed my heart in such a way that I didn't care what she had done and what had happened.  I could not get my self to love the things that led her to Christ.  I couldn't.  Loving myself to hate that.  You know because it was through those broken experiences she developed that relationship to Christ.  And I could... I journaled it all out and talked to some of my friends about it, about how... They were pretty shocked too because they had seen me in pieces.

I might try again trading drawings for spiritual experiences.  Off to tai chi for now to see Steve Ross, the wise, the humble, the strong, the meditative, the selfless.

crystal

Last monday I went to Sondra's yoga class.  I gave her a crystal that I had gotten from my aunt Maureen.  The crystal was partially purple and partically clear.  It made me think of my ajna and sahasrara chakras because those are the colors those chakras are supposed to be.  They are the chakras that I feel most often.  When I was at my aunt's house I was surprised at how I would have amazing and wonderful spiritual experiences when I read the bhagavad gita.  Then I would try to meditate on the crystal or feel some effect from the crystal but it would have no effect on me.  It would lead me to conclude that the Gita was more valuable to me than the crystal.  I was at church today and the priest gave a talk about someone who heard about a yogi or meditator with a valuable crystal.  The crystal was so valuable that it would make him rich for his whole life.  He went to the yogi and asked for the crystal.  The yogi gave it to him and he couldn't sleep that night.  Then he gave the crystal back to the yogi and told the yogi that what he really wanted was the wealth the yogi must feel inside himself that allowed him to give up the crystal.  What was so strange was that the priest was off the altar between the rows and he was staring right at me during the homily when he was talking about giving the crystal back to the yogi as if I was the yogi.  It was a super strange coincidence that I gave the crystal to Sondra and then the next Sunday the priest was staring at me while talking about a yogi with a crystal.  I have been trying to go back to Christianity with more faith.  I have been trying to go back to Christianity and believe.  I have been having some experiences at church that have been wonderful.  I remember one recently where I was praying and I felt intense bliss at the crown of my head.  I remember one experience where I prayed to St. Genevieve and then I felt peace and I felt the peace spread out so far beyond me and then it seemed to be gone.  When I confessed to Father Ben I could kind of see and feel his aura, this kind of red energy.  I think that all religions have spiritual experiences when people practice with faith and when people practice according to their best understanding of goodness.  I have not completely abandoned study of Buddhism, Hinduism, or any other religion, but I am trying to embrace the faith of my family and of my birth, Christianity.

I went to a friend's cd release party.  I ran into someone I knew from Sahaja yoga there, Aric Schaffer.  He wants to start a solar panel company, one that installs solar panels. I have been doing some research for him.  I hope we can do our part to end global warming.  We both want to reduce global warming emissions and pollution related to fossil fuels.  He's a very friendly fellow.  I hope that we can make it work out.